Gather round, that I may tell you what shall befall you in the days to come.
Vayechi Genesis 47:28
Well, it’s nice to see you too, Ben. It’s nice to see everyone here, or it will be soon — once Janet gets up the freeway from West LA. Oh, no, I won’t hold it against her. Showing up late… well I’d say it’s in her DNA, but all of you got your DNA from me and your mom, and we were hardly ever late. Perhaps I’ll be late for my death. Wouldn’t that be funny? Steph, you are looking beautiful too, and at least I’m one person in the room who is telling the truth. I realize I look like shit. You don’t have to go complimenting me. Do you all think I’m King Lear? Just waiting for you to fawn over me so that you can get what’s coming to you? Everyone, please pull a seat up by my bed. I want you to relax and be close. Please, no need to stand over me. The nurses at the hospital did that enough. It made me feel like a patient, when all I want is to feel like a human being.
It’s nice that you ask how the business is going, Mark. How do you think it’s going? Well of course I know you don’t work for us, but I assume you read the news. It’s all there in the business section. Just scroll past the sports section for once. A long time ago, personal computers were a sexy business, but now it’s just hardware like any other. I could be making wrenches and screwdrivers for all anyone cared. I’d have loved having any one of you in the business. I would have taken care of you well. But it was too “constricting” or “not creative enough” or “too much about money”. I understand. So, I let you all find yourselves. No, Steph, Mark did not ignore me. He has a busy life, I respect that. It’s hard being an artist. It’s hard being a successful artist and it’s at least as hard being a starving artist. They’re just two different challenges and your brother unfortunately has the latter one. Mark, please. I’m very tired. I don’t want any disagreements in the room. Not today. I just want to relax and appreciate being together with you all. For all I know, these could be the last happy moments of my life. I understand, Mark. We all have different ways of expressing our love. Your painting of me was very thoughtful. I wish I could say it looked like me, but I understand that it’s modern art and it’s not supposed to. Yes, Stephanie, I already said that we all have different ways of expressing our love. Mark paints me, and you call me every day. I wish it weren’t always to ask for something or to complain about something, but I do appreciate the attention. Well, yes, I know, Howie was a jerk. He was a jerk when he left you, and he acted like a jerk when he was married to you, and as far as I could tell he was a jerk even before you two got married. Unfortunately, after that one incident when I mistakenly offered my opinion, I bit my lip and kept out of your business. So, we are in total agreement. He is a jerk, and you are better off with him out of your life. And hopefully this will be the last time I have to hear you mention him. Oh, my. Well, that had an unintended double meaning. What I really just meant to say is that I hope he is totally out of your system and that he will be just a fading memory.
Yes, Ben. Your wife Paula is a wonderful lady. You married much better than your sister Stephanie. Believe me, Ben, I know your kids ran up a lot of debt in college. No, Ben, the reason I didn’t have that debt was because I went to a public college. They made a choice. You made a choice. I only wish I had someone who could have kept me out of trouble the way Paula keeps you out of trouble. But that was my fault. I kept mom out of the business because I didn’t want to distract her. You kids were a handful. Things were different back then. I admit it. I’m ashamed of how I treated her, but I’m not too ashamed to admit it. I didn’t expect her to be involved in the business as much as I should have because she was a woman. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. More than you know. But by the time you kids came of age, I think I grew a lot. Any one of you could have been a partner with me. That includes you, Stephanie, and it includes your sister Janet. But I respect your choices, and I respect the consequence of your choices.
No, Mark, I have to live with my choices too. They haven’t all been good choices. Some were good. But some were very bad, and eventually, they all come back to bite you in the ass. And these days, I don’t have to tell you what part of me hurts the most.
Hey, kids, stop it! It really doesn’t matter to me who married who and which of you chose well. Stephanie, I’m not here to insult your ex-husband. You’re the one who called Howie a jerk and all I did was agree with you. I don’t think any less of you or more than Mark, so stop arguing about it. Please! Please! The last thing I need in my life – literally the last thing – is to meet my maker with a headache brought on by my squabbling kids. I asked you all to come here because it’s been just over five years since we were all together, when mom died, and I wanted to share this time with you while I was still alive, not at my funeral after I won’t get to enjoy your company. But I also want you here because I have things you need to know about. And better to hear it from me than from whoever.
Well, sorry to spoil the mood, but I want everyone here, right now. A lot of this is old news to Janet, but this is something for the family. Is it bad? Well, it’s not good. Let’s say, in the grand scheme of things, none of this really affects any of you directly. Mostly it’s bad for me. Generally, when you’re dying, there’s not much bad news anyone can give you. What’s the worst anyone could ever tell you? They could tell you that you’re dying and you’ve got a month to live! But when you’ve already got a month to live, what can they say to you then? Hey, bring it on! Pile on the bad news! I’m fearless! You can’t hurt me worse than I already am, right? Guess again!
There she is! Janet, we’ve been waiting for you! We’re all here. What’s left of our family. I was just telling your brothers and your sister that we haven’t all been together since mom’s funeral. Those were sad days, but I still miss them. We all got along. No one was trying to butter me up. No squabbling, no competition.
Kids, Janet has been very helpful to me these last couple of weeks. It’s good to have a lawyer in the family. Jan, I still wish you had joined the business. I’d have been better off. I’m sure of it. But I can’t say you’d have been better off. You’ve done well, sweetie.
So, let’s not beat around the bush. You’re all looking for a piece of the company, right? Stop laughing, Jan, it’s not funny. I don’t know any better way to say it.
There is no company.
The whole PC business has been in the toilet since just after mom died. I thought I was a pretty good businessman. Well, I was a great businessman on the way up, but I’ve been a shitty businessman on the way down. We’ve been bleeding money, and my chief financial officer said I should lay off half the staff, but I didn’t have the heart or the nerve or whatever you want to call it. So instead of laying people off, I just borrowed and borrowed, and let the blood pool up on the floor around me.
Good question! Ben, would you care to repeat that question for those who are less business savvy, or who weren’t paying attention? I feel like I’ve become my own high school teacher. Ben asked, “How do you borrow money when your business is doing badly?” Janet, you want to tell them, or should I? She can’t say the words.
YOU LIE!
You make phony financial statements, and you go to the banks, and they give you money because they don’t know any better. And then you hope you can pull yourself out of the hole before anyone figures it out. Well kids, they figured it out. And the funniest part is, THE VERY SAME DAY I got the bad news from the doctors was the day I got a call from a very nice man from the FBI telling me that I was going to be indicted.
How are you supposed to pay off your kids’ debts, Ben? I wish I had a good answer. Better yet, I wish it was you who had a good answer. You made choices. You get to live with them. I never made you any promises. Well sure, I said you’d get a piece of the business. But there is no business. Things turned out badly. Janet is going to work with the accountants, and they’re going to sell off what’s left and give it to whoever I owe money to. They’ll be getting maybe ten cents on the dollar if they’re lucky. I made choices too. Business was bad and I chose to ignore it. I guess the difference is, I got lucky. I outran my troubles just long enough to get over the finish line before they totally caught up with me.
Stephanie, darling, I’m sorry Howie left you with hardly anything more than I did. I’m sorry I won’t be here to take your calls anymore. And you know what, baby? I really am sorry. I thought just now that I was lying again when I said I was sorry. But now with all of you here, I realize the truth. Your phone calls kept me alive this long. Sure, you complained all the time, and I thought I hated it. But the thing is: it was me who you called. Your dad. Your dad who left you nothing.
I realize now that the only thing I wish I left most of you was a little bit more of myself than you deserve. And I guess it took hitting bottom to see it. It took a phone call from the FBI. So, Ben, I don’t have anything for you. I wish I gave you something while I still had it. Mark, I never understood your painting. Any of it. Least of all that portrait of me. But I still have it hanging in my bedroom for some reason. I look at it every day – maybe just to see if I can recognize any of myself in it. So make sure you snatch it before the federal guys take that and try to sell it off. Bring it to my funeral. You know how they have a portrait of the dead guy showing for all the friends and relatives? I want that to be my portrait. And if no one else recognizes me, then fuck ‘em.
Janet. You’re the lucky one. I didn’t leave you any of my stupidity. All I left you was my own mess to clean up after I’m gone. I know it’s in good hands. When it’s over, send my body back to New York to be with your mother. I lived most of my life here, but I never really left the city.
More tales from the death bed
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